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Co-parenting can be a big challenge, especially when you’re parents to a newborn. However, it’s not impossible! If you struggle with finding what’s best for your baby and communicating with your ex-partner, this post is for you!
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Leave Your Baby out of It
First and foremost, you should make sure that your baby doesn’t experience your negative emotions, no matter what’s going on between you and your ex-partner. For example, resolve your arguments between the two of you and don’t do it around your baby. You might think that your baby will hardly notice what’s going on, but a baby picks up on more than you think. Even a short discussion can sometimes be too emotionally charged for a newborn, so it’s important that you keep this in the back of your mind.
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Make a Clear Schedule and Stick to It
Furthermore, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that babies need a lot of consistency during their first years of life. Not having both parents physically present at the same time is already hard on a child, so there is an extra challenge when it comes to providing your baby with stability. It’s important that you and your ex-partner make a clear schedule and stick to it afterward. Keep sudden changes to an absolute minimum! That’s really the only way to make your baby feel safe and stable and to make sure that they can become emotionally attached to both of you equally.
Keep a Notebook for Updates
Another constructive tip is to use a little notebook to keep each other updated. During the first years of your baby’s life, a lot can happen, and it is frustrating to worry that you’re going to miss milestones of your baby’s life when they are staying with your ex-partner. That’s precisely where the notebook comes in handy. When it’s your turn to take care of the baby, make sure to document everything that your baby does and experiences throughout the day.
Additionally, make sure to document every new development, so your ex-partner is in the loop as well. Of course, it’s not the same as being there when it happens, but it’s still a considerable improvement. Even more so, if you and your ex-partner really put your time and energy into this project, you’ll find that it will do wonders for you both!
Make Sure the Exchange Bag is Always Ready
When you ask kids of separated parents what the worst thing about co-parenting is, the exchange bag is guaranteed to come up a lot. The exchange bag is the bag that your baby always needs to have, regardless of who they are staying with. It’s filled with the most essential things, ranging from pacifiers and diapers to toys and clothes. However, the exact content is for you and your ex-partner to decide, of course. It can be a hassle to transport the exchange bag, and you can avoid extra frustration by making sure it is packed and ready at all times.
Develop a Solid Support System
Not being together with the mother/father of your children isn’t ideal, and when the child in question is a baby, things can quickly get a little overwhelming. That’s the exact reason why both you and your ex-partner should have solid support systems that you can count on. How you build that support system is entirely up to you. You can seek comfort in friends and family, or you could see a professional therapist. You could even seek refuge in a new hobby. The only thing that really counts is that you can use your support system to share your thoughts, frustrations, and emotions. If you can, you’ll find that both you and your ex-partner will be significantly less stressed. In turn, you will both be more willing to take on the co-parenting journey with each other, and it will really increase your chances of success.
Be Open and Flexible
This next tip might sound a bit contradictory to tip 2, but that’s really not the case. That is to say, while you should avoid changes to the agreed-upon schedule, you still should adopt an open and flexible attitude towards your ex-partner in case something unforeseen does come up, as long as this is not a frequent occurrence. If you aren’t compassionate towards your ex-partner in such a scenario, it will be detrimental to your relationship, and that’s really not in your baby’s best interest.
Don’t Be Afraid to Use Technology
One of the best things about living in this modern age is that there is technology available that you can use to your advantage. For example, you and your ex-partner can use Google Drive to make a shared calendar. This will make it easier for you both to plan certain things, organize meetings, and be on the same page in general. If you’re new parents to a baby, you’ll find that you will never have enough time, and technology can really make your life smoother in that aspect!
Don’t Treat Your Ex-Partner as the Bogeyman
Another golden rule of co-parenting is that you absolutely cannot regard your ex-partner as the bogeyman or the enemy. You need to take accountability for your part in the situation without passing all the blame to the other. If you keep seeing your ex-partner as the enemy, you will subconsciously share this view with your baby, which doesn’t help anyone. As your baby grows older, they should know that their parents get along. Otherwise, they will always be on edge when both parents are in the same room; this causes a lot of unnecessary stress that can really leave a mark on a child.
Keep Your Baby’s Interests At Heart At All Times
Last but certainly not least, you must always ensure that you have your baby’s best interests at heart! It might sound cliché, but you’ll find that you can actually prevent a lot of negative emotions and fights if you just take a step back and ask yourself, “How would my baby react to this?” In addition to this, you must also remember that you and your ex-partner both want what’s best for your baby. You might not always get along, but the fact remains that you’re stuck together until your baby becomes an adult at the very least. As long as you both always have your baby at the back of your mind, you’ll notice that it will be a lot more uncomplicated to communicate, work together, and co-parent!
Conclusion
All in all, no one ever said co-parenting was easy, and that’s especially the case when you’re parents of a brand new baby. However, no one that expects you and your ex-partner to do it perfectly right off the bat. If you and your ex-partner both just do the best that you can, and you keep the tips mentioned above in the back of your mind, you’ll already be off to a great start! Good luck!
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